cripchick's blog

no one sat me down and said:
“disabled girlchild,
this is what you do
if someone does not want you.”

when you looked at my body and cried,
i did not know what to do but
hold you

i held you
cried over me

if one day a disabled girl child
asks for advice about all
of life’s business,
i will tell her to kick you the hell
out of her bed

hold your head high, beautiful one

shiny crusts of pebble turn
turquoise in glistening brown boi hands

ocean cracking murals
on backs of closed eyes
you promise:
oppa did not find
femme for you

still, you paint glamour glittering as loud as
laughter, want as hopeful as
my calling heart

stumble stumble
shuffle shuffle

it does not matter that i cannot
will movement

you come
to me.

i am teaching these dusty bones to quiet
their rattling this heart to eat
its longing these fingers to quit
their reaching

one day, i will not want and
you will not
hurt me

ego masturbation mixed with
crisis aversion mixed with
late night whispers of revolution
told to help you get up & go to work
in the morning

i hold all our shit down
do it out of love when really family
is my only calling and
you don’t even know
to offer me
home