cripchick's blog

i had to write my quarterly letter for the org i’m active with this morning… and basically the whole thing was “la la la i love spring. yay!”. but really, it’s amazing how much the weather can play a role in how you feel. between the sun, the potential of projects i’m working on, and this video love letter lex surprised me with yesterday (yeah i’m linking just to brag, lex is a rockstar to me), i’m feeling like i can fly. this is all starting to sound like a really bad r kelly song but yeah..

even though life has been wonderful this year— amazing, actually— winter was really hard. kind of amazed at all the things that got done when i was feeling so low, like… did we really make that happen? it’s good to see trees blossoming again, i’m feeling roots digging deeper and lots of growth happening. also a nice reminder that things happen in cycles or seasons, that it’s okay to be tired, energy will come again.

as always, thanks for the love, yall.

i don’t know that the disability community is at a place where we can handle internal criticism in a way that other communities can. it sounds silly, but do we have the infrastructure to talk about language or models in a way that the queer/glbt can about HRC and assimilation or would every thing fall apart? not sure. regardless, some things have to be said or we can never really be a community (which is why i am posting this here on my blog).

left this as a comment to endeavorfreedom’s podcast on vaccines and autism. endeavorfreedom is a great website where disability rights folks interact via forums, videos, etc. hearing this podcast from someone so radical was disappointing.:

hello friend— i haven’t listened to the whole show but i hope that next time a show is done like this, the perspective of autistic self advocates are included (and on a disability rights program built on nothing about us without us philosophy, centered, celebrated, and recognized as the most legitimate). there is a lot of writing done by autistic bloggers and other activists about the inaccuracy and misinformation around the anti-vaccine movement and it’s important for the disability community to look at autistic self advocates as the experts on these topics, not parents or other people.

i think sometimes our experiences as people of color and other marginalized people affects our approach to vaccines, but when it comes to whether “mercury causes autism”, not listening to the autistic self-adv community is dangerous and frankly, intolerable (especially as this question completely flies in the face of neurodiversity).

w/ love and respect,
cripchick

in 2009

i will start by bowing to my elders and recognizing my ancestors, my blessings, and 2008. i will eat d’uk gook (rice cake soup) with family to symbolize that we have lived another year. afterwards i will eat black eyed peas and collards with friends, symbolizing my trust that all things will be provided for in the upcoming year.

i will devote myself to local community and not let myself buy into the nonprofit industrial complex by thinking that this work is less important because i am not traveling, shaking hands and staying in fancy hotels. i will remember that “the people” is not some kind of abstract rhetoric but that indeed, the people are here, the ones i love, and the stories they have lived to tell. i will always believe in the potential of what we are creating here, even when the pace is sometimes slower than i like.

i will be more true to myself and my style. i will remember that it’s okay to be someone that is most comfortable caring for people (often called doting and “mothering”) and that these are things that can be brought to an executive position. i will leave the politics for someone else to handle, knowing that my time is limited and to put energy to it is wasteful.

i will be a better ally, particularly to disabled people doing neurodiversity work and radical women of color doing work outside of the united states.

i will listen more and talk less, understanding that there are many things i will never know personally, especially as i do anti-racist work as an api woman working in the south. at the same time i will stay committed to the understanding that racism as a black-white issue erases genocide (as spoken by chrystos) and that anti-racist work that does not acknowledge that is intolerable.

i will pay more attention to my body, knowing that to overwhelm it, ignore it, and push it further than it can go is no longer an option.

i will love freely and in dr. angelou’s words (shared by a friend today) will have the courage to accept the love in return.

Dear Wheelchair Dancer,

Hey sister— thanks for your blog post on the elections, racism, prop 8. I’ve been in such a funny place lately after all of this and your writing really helped me in naming why.

Sylvia posted a tweet the other day about wanting to wrap Obama in bubble wrap, Teflon, a condom, Fort Knox— anything— to keep him safe until January 20th. That’s kind of how I feel about my emotions. And I hate to sound cliché here, but also my hope. My head knows what this election means and what this election does not mean but I still want scream Yes We Can!, rock my Obama shirt in classes full of Republicans, and, well, just bask in the symbolism of it. I want to believe in what everyone else believes in for more than one night, even if a lot of it is compartmentalizing what I know and not thinking about things folks like Moya and so many others are sayin’. So I close my door, download all the free mixtapes people are producing for Obama, and bullshit around happily.

But then it changes, right? At least it did for me, couldn’t even last a week. I read a message from VivirLatino about another mass ICE raid where over 100 people are rounded up in Florida and separated from their families. I hear white racist gay folks getting time on the tv and then blame Prop 8 on communities of color! I get an email from someone I really care about saying someone she knows was being beaten to death from what seems like a hate crime. With tears in my eyes I read of Duanna Johnson’s death and then see talk show radio hosts trying to leave comments on my blog saying they’re advocates while simultaneously disrespecting who she was. All these things tear me right from that cloudy good place. These things come at me like a million lightening bolts, reminding me of all the work that needs to be done and more importantly, who will be the ones doing this work.

It will be us. We will do it cause there isn’t anyone else but us, the people, la gente. So like our dear friend asks in her blog— as organizers, as artists, as community-builders, as dreamers, how can we learn from his campaign? How can we get the folks on the ground, many who weren’t believers in power of people before, to keep dreaming and ready to pick up other tools? How do we stay focused? Clear-headed? How do we build this bigger than non-profits, projects, campaigning?

And what about when the evil, the hate, the bondage is internal— How do we combat these things when they come in the form of our communities, people we love? I mean I didn’t truly understand what racism and white privilege really meant until I got involved in social movements, you know? Is it possible to take these conversations happening post-Prop 8 and turn them into something that lasts? Will there be room to sew close our open wounds, our mistrust? And is it even worth it, trying to work it out with gays and lesbians who will always choose marriage, gentrification, assimilation and capital building as priorities, when so many fellow queers are homeless, forgotten, oppressed, closeted, beaten, denied their humanity?

I’m really hoping you have some answers, that someone has answers. In the meantime, thanks for being who you are, for our gchats, for the love…

In solidarity and w/ love,
cripchick