cripchick's blog

as someone who is a disability community builder (think potlucks, youth training programs, etc) a good chunk of my time is spent creating space and relationships where people are working through their disability identity for the first time. much of this is done by talking about our social positioning and the ways our lives are similarly shaped by ableism. pretty soon, it is easy enough to connect shared values, experiences, and history and point out that we share a culture of disability. i love the word disability culture because it describes the indescribable & recognizes that which is supposed to be left unspoken: the commonality you can only find among other outsiders, the sigh of relief that comes with realizing you don’t have to “pass” or make yourself least disabled as possible here, letting ourselves be loud, clanky, take up space, etc.

last night i had a 2 hour skype conversation with someone who not only has the same politic i do, but also has a similar disability to mine. in my disability organizing, it has somehow become common for me to be the only wheelchair user in a space and i forgot how goooooood it feels to be with someone that deals with the exact. same. shit. i. do.  my body is going through a lot of change right now and i am starting to recognize that my visually impaired, autistic, or Deaf guy friends will never be able to help me understand my changing body in that same way that a (queer) woman (of color) with a mobility impairment can. a little surprised that this is something i have let myself forget… it is the reason i believe in community and why i work so hard to find ways for other disabled people to have “OMG you have that experience too??” moments

i’m also realizing that not allowing space in cross-disability work to recognize that our experiences are *not* the same has been a great disservice to us all. i know when i am using the term “people of color”, i have to recognize that my experience as mixed asian woman is vastly different from that of a black or latino brother so it is strange to me that this understanding doesn’t transfer into my disability work. my friends and i have spent so much energy this year fighting/crying/being let down around accommodations and access that i am seeing the way that maybe this is connected to our inability to hold a space that says our experiences with disability are different and that what it takes for us to participate in a space is different.

it seems like with everything else about disability, this space is a balance, an art. i do not believe in coalition-based thinking (over community-based thinking) because i’ve seen the way that it has meant disabled people only caring about their individual disability issues and fighting for their piece of the pie instead of working for us all getting free. at the same time, i have to be able to recognize that our experiences are different and that multiple kind of spaces are necessary…

this month i am spending a third of my days travelling and sleeping in hotels. all of this is taking a toll on my body and i find myself stepping back and wondering why movements i could do the day before are not possible. on monday, i was in raleigh going down a hill i’ve been down a million times before. the possibility of losing my balance and tumbling out of my chair was such a real danger that i had to call a friend nearby to come walk with me. (and it’s a good thing i called him, not only was my body draining but my chair died and he had to push me back to the hotel.)

i am thinking constantly about the contradiction and the space between wanting to live a disability justice lifestyle — desperately wanting to dismantle capitalist rules of productivity that leave out many of us and force us to give up our bodies and our labor for nothing that frees our communities— but also finding my life very rooted in a disability rights assimilationist model— i can do anything this other person can do, just need the right accomodations, just need more opportunities/laws/connections, just need to work harder… it took me 7 days of working in my first job to realize that no, i am not miraculously more productive than other disabled people in the organization, things were getting done because i had put in 80+ hours the first week to prove i was of value… funny thing is the only one in the org i ever needed to prove this to was myself.

and i have found that when i am at home, working part of the day from bed is the only thing that doesn’t tear apart my body. but feeling well is hard to exchange for the fact that i type much slower in bed, that it takes me twice as long to do what i can do sitting up. i hate how that feels but i am trying to challenge myself to not just to talk about disability justice but live it— self care, interdependent relationships, questioning a system that asks me to give up my body/labor and otherizes me if i cannot. but it is hard.

this tied in with a few other things also has me thinking about what i know intellectually, what i know with my heart, what i know with my body. where those 3 things meet and what they look like. where desire, safety, intimacy fits in. it is all really confusing and i get lost easily.

here is to us finding wellness and joy in 2010. here is to listening to your body.

hi all!

putting my need out into the internet since it has been working lately! (love to you all)

do any of yall have information on liberation schools organized by the black panthers, community-led classes, popular education programs, organizing schools, or anything of that nature?

i am in the process of organizing a “campus” locally for the school of our lorde. where i live, this will mean people of color coming together every saturday to study the poetry, pedagogy [study of teaching], and politics of audre lorde

and the youth crew i am is also sketching out the framework we want to use for the event we are holding this summer for disabled youth to come together for a week and return home as revolutionaries

if you have access to online libraries, books you can rec, stories you know, stuff you’ve seen in your communities, models you’ve used, please let me know. told a friend today i was excited to learn that things in my head and in the collective are not new— being accessible is called “popular education”, events where youth come together to learn power analysis, activism, poetry is called “liberation schools”… just have to do the homework!

excited for 2010!!!

cripchick