dear fellow collective members,

i cannot promise that i will not make the same mistakes again.
i cannot promise that i will change instantly from your critique.
i cannot promise that i will see things from your vantage point.

however, i can tell you that i will try my best to remember that what you are sharing is an organizational critique, one that reflects the way we are harmed by systemic injustice and not personal shit against me. i can promise that i will remember that we are all committed to what we are building here together, that even when we are angry with each other, we are community, we are fam. in return i ask that you give me the benefit of the doubt & believe i am here because i love this, because i love being with you.

“change without struggle is an empty fallacy” – deep foundation, children of the sun

my sister says i am a sharing circle addict. i love the way you brought up your issue to the group…the way she said said his racism hurt her too as a white person…the way he heard all of us and apologized… the reason i am so deeply attracted to women of color media making is because it is rooted in the importance of speaking. speaking is recognized as bringing light to injustice, a radical perspective in a culture that says women of color speaking is complaining, nagging, not being thankful, etc. (add in ableism and imagine all the ways disabled women of color are told that.) even if someday we are not okay with each other for one day or one year or ten years, that’s alright. i don’t mean to romanticize all of this, but the process of sitting in struggle with each other is natural. it is necessary.

“sing, it’s alright, it’s alright, it’s alright yeah/ hoping for the sun, but it looks like rain/ B-O-N-E, but it’s still the same/ came this far, but it’s been a long road/ troubles gonna come but we gotta stay strong, hold on, on…” -mariah carey & bone thugs, breakdown

like RP said recently, change is hard. change comes with growing pains. our collective came out of a movement critique and the analysis that comes from your experience is what gives breath to our organization. it doesn’t have to sound pretty, it doesn’t have to be perfect. bringing up the issues you have is a huge part of the way you show your love and investment in this.

“gotta listen to the people when they holla at you/ whether they show you mad love or call you a fool/ don’t spit none of it out, swallow it all of it dude/ it’s about time, change coming long overdue” -native guns, look in the mirror

no doubt these kinds of conversations are hard— we have poured our lives into this collective, into this movement— but it hurts me more when you do not communicate with me. i believe in conflict because i believe in growth. i am interested in our transformation, not our comfort. speaking & listening is the only way we can grow. please say what is on your tongue. please speak.

“and when we speak we are afraid
our words will not be heard
nor welcomed
but when we are silent
we are still afraid
so it is better to speak
remembering
we were never meant to survive”
-audre lorde

love,
cripchick