Comments on: your body as a listening tool

By: Dylan

Dylan — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 21:56:11 +0000

This was a great post and really made me think about social norms, acceptable behaviors and listening in a new way. Thanks for sharing it.

By: DaisyDeadhead

DaisyDeadhead — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 19:26:03 +0000

My AA sponsor said I shouldn’t write or doodle during AA meetings, because it seemed like I wasn’t listening and people would get offended (which was true, they did). Actually, I was often writing down everything they said, so I wouldn’t forget.

When I stopped writing things, forgot lots of things, too. I also find it distracting to LOOK at people while they talk and would rather look away and concentrate on their words rather than appearance. I often listen to TV news, rather than “watch” it…

By: nezua

nezua — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:42:10 +0000

sidenote: not to get too OT, and i understand the need the autistic community has for differentiating, but for myself i have problems with the label “neurotypical.” “neurotypical” poses as a medical term, and to me it seems…technically casual, if not literally nonsensical. e.g., is it fair to clinically depressed, or schizophrenic people who are not autistic, to call them “Neurotypical”? what is “typical” when it comes to the wildly-varied continuum that is Human Psychology? am i taking it too literally? thinking about it, maybe my main issue is with the broad use of it, as it could clump many people into a false group, who are not “neurotypical” at all.

anyway, i don’t mean to bring an argument to the thread, just musing on it. my thoughts on the term, in the end, are probably very unimportant. :)

By: cripchick

cripchick — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:31:25 +0000

mhmmmm i like the way you describe listening, nez, as the energy happening when someone is speaking. so much to think about

and katie! hi! cool to move from twitterverse to here : )

By: Katie

Katie — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:21:59 +0000

Wooooooooow.

What a great post.

(I’m neurotypical but a terrible listener. And as I learn to make sure I listen better, I’ve been helping engrain practice of it (practice makes perfect!) into my life by, while listening, performing neurotypical “ways of showing it.”)

And y’know, maybe that just freaking makes sense. If I’m neurotypical, and even non-neurotypical people will better understand that I’m listening when I do it, and because of its “typicality” the act of doing it will remind ME to keep actually listening…yeah. Maybe it makes 100% sense.

But I still loved reading this post.

By: nezua

nezua — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 00:10:04 +0000

when i was training to be a counselor in school we learned about listening. it wasn’t until then that i realized there were so many ways to be a poor listener, and more importantly, how that shortchanges understanding and growth…

so many good points in here. so true that when someone is actually listening to you, it makes such a difference. i have a habit when i’m talking to someone and i feel them stop paying attention (and i can sense it right away even if i’m not watching their every move, i feel the energy connection fade/break), and i’ll stop talking. it weirds people out…they think i’m being touchy usually. but it means a lot when people are really trying to hear you. and again, in my education and experience, most of the time when we think we are listening, or when people typically “listen,” i should say, much energy is not present. so you give us a good reminder to remain conscious and true.

for me? i love eye contact and watching body language and all that. but i know what you mean. my cousin had a stroke at 4, and her body language cannot be read the same as mine might be…but she still has her own body language that can be learned. we all still send our signals. sometimes (as you point out in different words) real communication is learning others’ signal sets.

love, friendship, true communication? it comes down to being willing to learn about and love others.